Dated November 7, 2009

Uno,

So I'm back to planet Earth after a month-long stay in Fairytopia. The transition from fantasy to reality is not as easy as what most people think. There's too many painful truths to realize and so many good things to set aside. I was about to say let go but I'm still hoping. Although it's kind of a long shot really. It's as if my ephemeral euphoria has finally come to it's end. Just like every good movie, it has to end, the credits have to roll and people have to leave. Nevertheless, all the memories that we both shared will be etched and preserved somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain.

It was some kind of an early Christmas wish granted. Despite the fact that I abhor the season for it's phoniness, I am somehow convinced that it has this peculiar magic that keeps us hoping for the best. It worked in my case. Seven years of wishing, hoping, and only-God-knows-what else. I got more than what I bargained for. And it's good enough for me.

Now here I am sitting idly in a dimly-lit room contemplating, searching for answers, trying to diagnose each and every move. Truth is I'm just looking for excuses to think about you and the times we had together. I don't exactly know why I have to pretend that I have moved on when it is indeed evident that you've totally won me over again for the nth time. Perhaps it is my subconscious that urges me to protect myself from probable self-destruction. Maybe because deep within I know and I am certain that it is only you who can see right through me, who can ironically make me happy and induce pain and well by the way things are right now can drive me really crazy.

Seeing you again after a long long time is a gift and having you even for a while is something that I would trade the whole world for. I don't mind missing the entire planetary revolution whenever we're together. In fact, I'm too mesmerized to rationalize things. I would probably have a hearty guffaw on this years later but this is entirely true at this very moment.

Sometimes you make my heart pound so hard that I almost forget to breathe. It is cheesy and this isn't me but there's something about you that triggers my brain to shut down and sends my nervous system into panic.

I can just watch you as you sleep and not think of anything. Sometimes I have to poke myself or touch your hand to remind me that you're indeed right next to me. I've been skeptical about happiness but merely watching you and feeling you next to me clearly define all sorts of emotions that were then alien to me.

I'm sorry if I seldom say a word. I can't seem to form a phrase when I'm with you. It's as if my neurons voluntarily shut themselves down. All I wanna do is to look at you, observe you, feel you for I want to cherish each and every minute spent with you so that when you leave I can play all those memories over and over again. You made me happy in a way that I could not possibly define. It seems that when I'm in your arms, the only thing that I am capable of doing is to giggle like a child - devoid of any fears and of miseries. And as I lay my head on your shoulders, I can hear your heart beating faster and faster. And it's as if it's playing a lullaby, I slowly sink into a deep slumber as I listen to each beat and rhythm.

But those were memories. Something that I can only hold on to. Something that could make me smile. Something that would remind me of you...and of the joy you twice brought into my life. For that, you'll be permanently etched on my ventral tegmental area.

Thank you so much for the memories and the times together. I hope that I'll see you again in the near future...until then.

Always and Forever,
Loiue

Dated Today

Dear Uno,

I've been contemplating on whether I should or I should not create a blog for you. And it looks like I've already decided. Nothing much happened here since you left. It's been a month and three days since we last saw each other. Nothing new. I'm still missing you like hell since the first time you left. But I get by. Don't worry about me. We shared enough memories together during your rather brief vacation here couple of months ago. I kept on playing those in my mind. And it eases the pain. It's funny though how a person can feel pain and loneliness as well as bliss and joy at the very same time.

I hate to say this but I terribly miss you. Haven't heard from you since that Wednesday. I don't even know where you are right now. I know though that if I ever cross your mind (which I hope very often) you'll wear a smile on your face. I like it when you smile. It makes me happy to know that I am capable of making you happy.

I still can't believe that after all those years, you still have the power to melt my heart as if it's the most natural of all occurrences. I find it even hard to believe that my wish was finally granted although I still wish for more like "together forever". You know what I mean.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say but seven long years of not seeing each other and not hearing anything from each other makes the heart frigid. But that was not the case. Seven long years of absence sure froze my heart but the moment you stepped into the restaurant that day you ignited a feeling within that has been dormant for ages. It felt right to succumb like it was meant to happen that way.

I just went through the emails you sent me way back. They all made me remember of the unlikely love that we once had...a topographically-challenged one. It's like a time machine. A personal time machine and suddenly it's 2002 once again. I recalled our last conversation. You said: Read me like one of your books. I'm starting to read it and I like it.

That's it for now. I know you're busy and all but I do hope that sometime before Christmas you'll give me call. I may not be a huge fan of the season but I'm wishing that one day my wish will be fully granted although some of them came true even before the season started. You know what I mean.

Always and Forever,
Loiue